This picture was taken three years ago. Six months of intense treatments behind me and yet a world of unknowns ahead of me.
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I remember that day celebrating the end of chemo, the last few sparse hairs clinging to my body. I was tired, worn out, and exhausted. But so damn happy to be finished treatment.
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You would never know when you look at me today that I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 34 years old. That I spent the last 3.5 years fighting my hardest through chemo, radiation, surgeries and scans and having to advocate for myself through it all.
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You would never know that I still sit here today dealing with the aftermath of it all. Fatigue, insomnia, the fear of recurrence, the sharp sting I feel every time I hear that another person has been taken by cancer.
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You would never know that I'm reminded of it every time I look in the mirror. The scars across my body, my breasts, the new lump growing on my back, another looming surgery...
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But I'm also reminded of my strength, my resilience, and my courage to continue on. There are days where I have it all together and others that I may fall. Trying to navigate through what feels like an invisible illness sometimes. And that's okay.
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Today on #WorldCancerDay, I'm reminded that I am one. I am a survivor. I am a thriver and I will continue to use my voice as a platform for change, to educate, to empower people, and to give hope to the ones that have given hope to me when I needed it the most. #IAmAndIWill #YouWouldNeverKnow
I'm struggling.
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There I said it. I reached my breaking point. Found myself crumbling to pieces on my way home yesterday, unable to stop the tears from falling. The weeks of frustration finally coming to a head.
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I had to advocate hard for myself these past few weeks. Push for myself to be seen. Fight for myself to be heard. A reminder of how important it is to be persistent and to speak up. Because after being in the system the last 3.5 years, I've come to realize that the only one who's going to advocate hardest for me is me.
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Today is also my 3 month anniversary with Henry. Our relationship finally coming to an end, ironically, on Friday the 13th of all times. The same day I received my diagnosis. It's just a lot of shit that's been piling up lately, one on top of another. I know I'll be okay. I'm just having a really hard time right now.
